


Can't trust myself with these feelings

by Halerune



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: I really didn't like the Sharon/Steve kiss, Like huge spoilers, M/M, Pining, SO SORRY, Unrequited Love, and it suddenly turned very piny and angsty, civil war spoilers, don't read if you haven't seen the movie, mostly spoilers for the mid credits scene, no happy ending, so i made this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 11:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7048063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halerune/pseuds/Halerune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky reflects on his feelings for Steve after he sees him kiss her.<br/>Steve reflects on his feelings for Bucky at the end of the movie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't trust myself with these feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I know I am not the best of writers and I suck at writing conversations but I hope you enjoy. My mother tongue isn't English so don't be too harsh on me if I made mistakes. Do enjoy!

Damn Steve, he had to swoop in and kiss that girl. The girl that nowhere near resembled her aunt and didn't respect her funeral either. Peggy wasn't dead for a week yet and here her niece was kissing Peggy's love interest. On who Peggy gave up because she though him dead. Who suffered through her years but moved on and made a family. Who even with her dementia remembered Steve. Gave golden council to him even in her last days. Now Peggy was someone who deserved Steve. Peggy respected and even liked him before he became Captain America when he was still the thin and sickly guy from Brooklyn. Sharon though, Sharon didn't respect her aunt and probably only did it for Steve's body.  
Not that Bucky wouldn't do it for Steve's body if he hadn't know him before the serum happend. But god damn it that guy deserves so much better and no he wasn't jealous. Not at all, he spend his youth in Brooklyn taking every pretty gal out so he could try to ignore his very real but very illegal feelings for Steve. The same feelings that made him remember Steve in the first place at the Triskellion. "Till the end of the line." did mean something very differently for Bucky than it did for Steve.  
So here he sat in the back of an old Volkswagen Beatle with little leg space with Steve's new best friend while their best friend was kissing a girl outside of the car making it a show. Damn it Steve, he wasn't jealous. So he responded in kind when Steve turned back to face the car by making a goofy and proud face. He might have been a jealous ex-assassin but he still loved Steve as a friend as well and tried to be a good one at it.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Knowing he didn't have a future with Steve either way was one of deal sealers when he decided to lock himself in cryo again after the events in Siberia. He wouldn't have to be jealous of Sharon and Steve and at the same time people would be safe again if someone tried to get their hands on him to use him for his assassin's skills. By the time he woke up there would be a cure to help against his amnessia and loss of control. Maybe by that time he got out Sharon and Steve would have broken up or gotten married and have children. Who knows?

Steve goes with him to the secret labratory T'Challa had set up for him, trying to talk him out of it the whole way.  
"you sure about this?" Steve asks for the upteenth time.  
He sighs before he answers "I can't trust my own mind." Giving a small smile.  
"So until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head, I think going back under is the best for everyone." he adds, that everyone included the general population of the world, the avengers, himself but mostly Steve. Steve was the only one that could get him back down most of the time when he would get an episode but only after Bucky would get some hits in. He couldn't behold the blood and the bruises he had caused anymore. 

He mounts the cryo tank and gets ready for the worst part. the first few hours in that thing not everything gets frozen just yet, your brain is still very active. He feels Steve eyes on him when the door closes but he can't look at him. Can't or won't think at how those blue eyes would look full of pain and pity and regret. So instead he stares ahead and closes them when the freezing starts. Don't want to scare the employs here by keeping his eyes open while he's frozen in here for an indefinite amount of time.  
10 minutes after the freeze in he is still complete functional in the brain and feels there is only one other person still in the room. Steve.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the last employe of the settlement leaves the room, Steve slids to the ground with his back against the cryotank's wall. He feels empty but also frustrated, he fought so hard to keep his Bucky out of a new cryo engine and failed yet again. Only this time he knows where they are keeping Bucky and is allowed to see him, so that's a plus he guesses. He is tired of keeping up the charade of the unbreakable man. He isn't unbreakable, he is broken, he is tired.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it, reactions and kudos are most welcome so I know if it liked and or if I can improve in anyway!


End file.
